Date of Award

Spring 1999

Document Type



Languages & Literature

First Advisor

Kay Satre

Second Advisor

Murphy Fox

Third Advisor

John Downs


This memoir is an introspective creative writing effort exploring the causes and consequences of self-hate. Using a half-marathon as a point of departure, I recount moments of my life, exposing the compounding crises that undermine the fragile confidence of young adults. Scenes shift between the intense emotions of the race and elucidating episodes of self-doubt. Through the examination of my relationships with peers, pets, and parents, I learn the lessons of both loss and growth. I also address the rampant perfectionism that motivates me. As the tensions escalate, the struggle between acceptance and death must be reconciled. Finally, in the doubtful journey towards selfacceptance explore the extent to which healing can occur.

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Nonfiction Commons